new points sure make a difference

With the holidays fast approaching I started thinking about how I usually work while most people in my area take time off and enjoy the company of their families. I mean it's easy money plus I get time and a half for working, and if I get called and have to come in on a holiday the pay rate is double my normal rate - that's over fifty bucks an hour, nice wages for sure. This is especially nice because I don't have to put up with any management bullshit because they ALL without fail take off during the holidays. I liked that immensely, but this year all that has changed. My new employer has guidelines saying only so many managers, supervisors, and employees can take off time during the holidays, and the personel that take off this year must work next year which is totally fair mind you, but it kinda screws people like me who like to work on the holidays. So now if I work this year I will have to take off next year, or I could take off this year and work next year. I'll just flip a coin...wait, here goes - tails means I work, heads I take off. Tails it is! So I guess I will be working this year, no great surprise to my family, I've been excommunicated anyway, but my sister did invite me to the Casino for poker around Thanksgiving time. We have family from Utah come in for turkey they say, but I know they really just love to gamble at Oklahoma's fine Indian casinos because Utah does not have any. This is about the only reason I can see for anyone wanting to actually visit Okla-Coma. I know, I know, instead of bitching about it all the time I should just live somewhere else but my family is here(my sister) and my house is here so I stay, for now anyway. So on to the real topic of this blog - heroin addiction. Things have been working out very well with my new 'guy'. He always answers when I call, hell he calls me sometimes when he has what he calls his 'bluelight specials' heh. Sometimes he will sell a 1/2 for a 1/4, or throw in something extra like xanax or a bit of this or that. He is a good dealer and I hope he stays around for a while, one weird thing is, the guy always smells. Whew...I mean body odor BO! His house smells like it and so does his car, I guess he does not believe in deodorant, but damn I wonder how his gf puts up with that. Maybe she has been around him so long that it has burned out her olfactory senses and she just cannot smell him. If this is the case then they are a perfect pair. J said he calls him Stanky when he is not around. Quite Stanky for sure. The type of people we associate with to obtain drugs never fails to amaze me, most people would avoid this guy like he had the Swine Flu, but here I am calling him, and meeting up with him. Ugh...the things we do to keep this monkey happy and well. It's a bit depressing actually. So I let myself run out of syringes and since I had quite a few that I had only used one time I started using them again but hell, those diabetic needles are not worth a shite - one time is about all they are good for so yesterday after work, still wearing my nice work clothes and my gov employee badge (backwards so you could not read my name) I stopped by a CVS drugstore and asked for a box of insulin syringes and I'll be damned if she said "Is Size 25 and 5/8, 1cc Ok?" I said yes, and she handed them right over, no problems at all. So I got a box of Kendall Monoject Hubless insulin syringes, 10 to a bag, 100 for $19.00, that's cheaper than the Internet. I guess it's all about appearance and who happens to be at the counter when you ask. Nice sharp needles sure do make things easy when Mr Vein is in a receptive mood. Oh damn, still 2 hours away from a shot. Guess I'll go have a cig now. Later everyone - stay safe and sound.

Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict

If you have not watched this on YouTube then go watch it. Now. The haunting quality of it really made it an honest film.

The stars in alignment.

So J really came through for me yesterday, actually he has really helped me several times now. When you first hear some of his claims, they sound so boisterous, so over the top, so unlikely that you think he is completely and totally bullshitting you. But time after time now I have thought just that, but he has been true to his word and his claims/stories/connections/friends have all been as advertised and in a couple of cases they have actually exceeded his claims. So we met the dude at Bobs and with me driving as usual he directed us over to the connects house(J even knew where that was)I was introduced to him thus "Yeah this is J's friend Noah, the one I told you about, and he is cool" J chimed in that he has known me for many years and I was 'like a brother to him.' The guy turned off the TV, glanced over at me, and pulled out a red round aluminum Coke A Cola tray from under the couch with several different sized small chunks of the darkest brown/black tar on it, told me the price of each one (not too bad) said he could get larger quantities with 24hr notice, went into a coughing jag that kinda worried me for a bit until he got it under control(just my luck I find a new connect and he dies 10 minutes later heh and while he was coughing I noticed a large mass of scar tissue that I better not describe after typing it out once and re-reading the description of it - too easy to ID someone) and then asked me what I wanted today. J was right about this dude being a bit different, I have never been given the chance to pick out what I wanted, usually it's "gimme yer money - here ya go - get the fuck out - adios." So I spent way more money than I should have, taking it for granted that it was good (it was fire, but it sure has a funny smell when you are fixing and it burns ouch damn!)then the guy starts asking me a lot of questions about where I work and what I do, so I start to get a little paranoid then he produces an old Acer laptop that he wants me to try to fix. J had told him that I worked with computers and he was hoping I could fix it. I can fix them usually but I cannot perform miracles and this one was down for the count. Power supply was fried I'm thinking. So I did not impress him too much there but I did have the cash, copped, and I did get his cell digits. Damn Right. I did. Yep. Success Dammit. Uh-huh. Sure enough. Noah's got another connect. We left shortly after I had impressed him with my PC skills(not)and the guy that rode over there with us - TJ; ended up staying so I took J to Johnnie's Charcoal Broiler http://www.johnniesok.com/johnnies.php for a most excellent hamburger, a huge order of hand cut fries, and a large strawberry pop...plus J had a piece of banana cream pie, all my treat and when I took him home I thanked him, told him that yet again he had amazed me and saved my bacon, then I slipped him $60.00 all I had left with me. At first he would not take the money, saying that it was "against the rules" even though he is not working at anything steady right now, but he finally did take it when I told him that he could get a large quantity of alcohol for himself and his live-in girlfriend that I have yet to see. I have talked to her on the phone and she has a nice voice but sometimes J's "projects" leave a bit to be desired, but hell who am I to talk, at least he is getting laid regular and H does not own him completely like it does me. It's my bitch and I can admit it without pause, anyway I got home pretty early, sampled the purchase, it was damn good better than I had hoped, and again I called J and thanked him, promising him that we would do something this weekend. I owe him big time now. I then noticed that I had some ice left and it was just sitting there, not doing anyone any good so I did half of it. Zoom. Zoom. Got the urge to gamble, but did not want to hook up with the Pro's From Dover tonight so I zoomed over to a smaller casino close to my house, hit one of the several ATMs strategically placed everywhere in the casino and in no time at all it seemed I had lost $350.00 I did not really have to lose UNTIL I sat down at a VGT Lucky Ducky $1 slot machine with my last $54.00, I had played it down to $13.00 when the screen part of the slot machine turned RED(on VGT slot machines when the screen turns red it means a free winning spin)and 2 free spins later I had won $413.00 that I really needed to put back into my account. Damn I was lucky as hell and that usually never happens for me so I cashed out, leaving before I could play/lose anymore. It was after 1:00 am when I made it home and of course sleep was not an option so I read(When Worlds Collide) until about 04:45, then showered, took my morning salvation injection with the rest of the ice to get me through the day since I had not slept, dressed and drove to work. I put $13.00 worth of gas in my truck on the way in, deposited $400.00 in my checking account for a net gain of $50.00.

Yesterday was a rewarding but busy day and it really did work out as planned with J and yall know that even the best laid plans often go astray, but for once the stars lined up for me. Any questions kiddies?

Good on ya UK!

This windy and cool Monday in October has already started as a fantastic day, and it promises to be even better this afternoon. To start the day I prepared an exceptionally LARGE injectable treat using the last of the gray dope. By the time I had it all scraped out of the small zip lock bag the little mound in the spoon was larger than I expected but still do-able. So about - let's see now - a little over 3.5 hours ago this mound mixed with purified water disappeared into my arm along with a generous dollop of my own dark red blood. It was all I could do not to nod off for about an hour until I roused myself enough for a hot shower, dressed for work, turned off the house, grabbed my backpack and left for the ever exciting rush hour drive to work. I hate talk-radio - I want to listen to music and at the time I am driving in to work all the loud, hick, football loving local stations do not play music so I thank the Gods for my single CD player Nissan so thoughtfully installed in my 2001 Frontier with the 2 new tires(Kumho P26575 R16) on the front courtesy of a win on Triple Freedom Reels slot machine Saturday night. This morning it was Led Zeppelin(The Early Days) so I rocked all the way into work and I have this exceptional attitude that I hope to keep all day. So the thing is today after work J and I are going to see this tweaker dude they call Stereo Bob - he has over 150 home/car stereos(conservative estimate)in some cases with turntables(the old kind with the needle and arm) stacked up along the walls of his living room. At any given time there are 10 or 12 units disassembled waiting for God knows what before he puts them all back together again, at least I think he puts them back together. Living with Bob in this 2 bedroom house are between 6 and 9 different people. Of said persons, one knows a guy who has a supposedly cheap, dependable tar connect. So we are going to check this out today after I get off of work. Ahhh yes, the never ending search for the perfect connection, the ultimate hook up, the Big Supplier - you get the idea, anyway I'm thinking that everything is going to work out as planned (ha! When has that ever happened) and I will have a new connect as soon as this afternoon. Wishful thinking? Absolutely. Time will tell.

I watched a video on CNN that shows the UK gov giving addicts heroin now. I was licking my chops as they showed the 97% pure pharmaceutical heroin they were preparing for the 'clients'. The cost of such a program is about $22,000 per year but stats show that crime goes down and the addicts are able to live some semblance of a normal life, hell yeah it's a start. Good for the UK! By the way, the cost of keeping someone in prison for a year is about $65,000.

Cold October Morning Ritual.

I wake up shivering and sick as the alarm on my cell phone buzzed me awake. I felt worse than than usual because I had nodded off on the couch last night and had forgotten to turn on the heat so it was damn cold in the house at 05:30 am - I rolled off the couch, staggered down the hall to the thermostat and turned the HEAT switch to the ON position then quickly back to the warm couch, covering up and waiting for the hot air to warm the house. I reached down next to the couch and found my Old Navy backpack, unzipped it, moved my loaded Ruger .357 magnum Security Six(a gift from my gramps - he was a deputy-sheriff at one time)out of the way, found my Salvation pack and took a quick inventory of my dope situation. In a round pill container I had 4 green Oxys, and about 25 10mg methadone tabs. In a plastic case that once held a small circuit board I had 2 chunks of tar, one small, the other a bit bigger, a tiny ziplock bag with about a quarter gram of that grayish colored H that I had gotten Tuesday night. In another ziplock bag, this one with little 8 balls on it, I had about half a gram of meth. The case that held the circuit board is really cool - the top has a little sliding door that you cannot even tell is there - a perfect false top container, everyone should have one of these. Anyway not too bad for a Friday morning. I took the smaller chunk of tar out and dropped it into a burned black spoon(a souvenir from the state of Maryland), then using the end of a syringe and a bit of water I stirred it around in the spoon until it looked a lot like tobacco spit...heh. I dropped in a pre-rolled cotton ball, and using the needle moved it into the deepest part of the spoon. I sucked up everything I could into the syringe then flicked the barrel with my finger to get the air out. One morning shot prepared and ready for injection. By now it was warm in the house so I go into the bathroom and using the big mirror, start the morning hunt for a willing vein, hoping it will not take too long. It doesn't and soon I am feeling wonderful and there is no wrong in the world as of right now.

Wanted - Skag Dealer: Apply within...

"Man...this is it for the next 4 weeks" my guy says. "Huh" I responded smartly, but I had heard him alright and I knew what he meant, no more dope from him for 4 weeks 'coz he was gonna be a travelin' man. Mr Dependable-Expensive-But-Always-Available was not going to be around for a month and besides the 1/4 of a gram I had just bought all that stood between myself and a severe case of withdrawal were 4 OC 80s and about 25 10mg 'done tablets. Panic was starting to rear it's ugly head and I spoke nervously saying I needed a gram before he left..."No way - this is it until I get back, you're lucky I did this for you" I knew better than argue or bitch, he just did not care. He had booked one of those 'off-season' cruise packages and was flying to Florida, from there boarding a ship for Jamaica and somewhere else, using lots of my money no doubt. Goddamn, I knew I should have been lining up someone else that I could depend on. I know more people but there is always so much SHIT involved when it comes to copping from them. There is the Jacktown guy, I've called him several times but he never calls back. I called J and he wants me to drive to Dallas tonight to meet some guy he knows, he said he can hook us up but he always says that. I need a good US Mail connect. Someone dependable, trustworthy, and with connections. Hell, don't we all? I'm so damn high now it's hard to keep my eyes open and type, much less get worried about it but since this whole blog is about finding another source I guess you can tell it's got me a bit spooked. Anyway I'll leave you with some lyrics to the song I've been listening to - a great little ditty written by Warren Z that has special meaning to me right now.

I hear Mariachi static on my radio
And the tubes they glow in the dark
And I'm there with her in Ensenada
And I'm here in Echo Park

Carmelita hold me tighter
I think I'm sinking down
And I'm all strung out on heroin
On the outskirts of town

Well, I'm sittin' here playing solitaire
With my pearl-handled deck
The county won't give me no more methadone
And they cut off your welfare check

Carmelita hold me tighter
I think I'm sinking down
And I'm all strung out on heroin
On the outskirts of town

Well, I pawned my Smith Corona
And I went to meet my man
He hangs out down on Alvarado Street
By the Pioneer chicken stand

Carmelita hold me tighter
I think I'm sinking down
And I'm all strung out on heroin
On the outskirts of town

Carmelita hold me tighter
I think I'm sinking down
And I'm all strung out on heroin

waiting for the man again.

The sky outside is full of gray clouds loaded with rain. I could hear thunder in the distance when I was out smoking a little while ago. It's been raining for 2 days and I hope it rains for a week. I love the rain, especially when I am high and have nothing important to do. I like to watch it roll down the window, little quicksilver shots zooming down the glass only to resume their journey down to the ground as they bang against the edge and then disappear. Ride's over little water drops, hope you enjoyed it you little fuckers. My guy did not show last night, then would not answer his cell. I called someone else who has got it for me before, his mom answers and after I ask for R, she starts preaching to me, goddammed Bible thumpers. She tells me that G-d has a special place for me and says that it is always open. Heh. Yeah I bet it is. I hang up on her, disappointed and angry that I cannot score any H tonight. I have some ice but that means no sleep and that constant urge to do something. I start reading a book I got from Amazon and fall asleep on the couch. I actually sleep without being high, been a while since I accomplished that little feat, a long while I might add. In the morning I dig into my emergency kit with shaking hands and do a couple of the 80s - felt good for awhile but now I feel like shit and want some real H. Can't cop until 4:30 this afternoon, this means 4 1/2 hours to go and I know the time will crawl by...dammit I'm sweating now and yawning, this guy will show. Always does, I used to meet him in the mornings but now he works 2nd shift so we meet in the afternoon. Expensive but dependable, thats the ticket. I still have 4 of the 80s but they are for extreme dire emergency, or at least that is what I am telling myself. I won't tell you what I paid for them - a ridiculous price considering how much better H is anyway. I'll try to post later after I've copped. Better days then for sure.